Post by danaorsoyouthink on May 19, 2015 14:10:34 GMT -4
“FUCK!” Lisa screamed, her fist making contact with the cork board in front of her. “Fuck, Fuck, Fuck!” She emphasized each word with another blow. She was determined to make herself bleed in her frustration, to perhaps alleviate her emotional turmoil by giving herself something concert and physical to be concerned over. Perhaps addressing the wound would even be a reassurance in it’s own right, having something she could actually fix. But the soft cushy material beneath her knuckles had other ideas. She glanced around her room, which was completely covered in more cork board and and assorted colors of sticky notes. “Where’s some bare wall when you fucking need it,” she yelled at no one in particular.
Why couldn’t her powers be something fucking useful, what was the point of being a thinker seven if you couldn’t even figure out how to rob a damn bank. She couldn’t even make a fucking friend properly. Was it really so impossible to interact with someone without manipulating them with her power? She was fucking useless, Bug was someone the Undersiders desperately needed, someone she desperately needed, and she had dropped the ball. They had no chance now, no matter how she looked at it the Undersiders couldn’t win, Bug’s power was too strong. She’d seen how she picked her way around the abandoned building, Bug couldn’t just control bugs, she could see through them, and the Undersiders had no way to counter that.
Lisa collapsed onto the floor. She could refuse the job of course, but there was no chance that Coil would let it slide. It would mean letting everyone down. Brian would never be able to help his sister, and Rachel would be alone on the street with her dogs again, and Alec….well fuck Alec, he’d be fine. But it would suck for everyone else. Especially her, she highly doubted Coil would let her live after he disbanded the Undersiders.
She had to pull off this job, too much depended on it, and to do that they’d need help. She knew Vista’d be able to handle Bug, she could stretch space, keep her bugs away from them and disoriented; but to get Vista to betray her friends she’d need to use her power. She’d have to get inside the girl’s head, poke and twist at her deepest fears and anxieties. But if she did that she’d be no different than her parents, using an innocent child for her power, breaking her, using her up, and then throwing her away. She’d given up on the idea of using her power to help people long ago, but if she used her power to manipulate and betray an innocent person, she’d never be able to forgive herself. Why did Vista have to remind her so much of herself? It made things that much more difficult.
“Fuck!” Lisa shouted, slamming her fist into the concrete floor and finally managing to draw some blood as the skin of her knuckles scraped against the ground, leaving crimson streaks. It didn’t stop her though, she kept pounding the ground until her arm got tired, and the streaks were closer to puddles. Sighing she got up and headed for the kitchen to wash her knuckles under the sink. She hated this, hated the feeling of not being able to do anything, hated the creeping thoughts that she couldn’t fight back; thoughts that told her it would be easier if she didn’t worry about breaking people. She couldn’t stand sober nights, seeing into other people’s brains was one thing, but being alone with her own was torture.
Maybe I should just give up and take the fall. It was a hard idea to dissuade herself of. Lisa was tired, she’d spent too long struggling with herself. As impossible as it had been to try and help people, it was just as impossible for her to let them suffer. Hurting bad people was one thing, but Vista was innocent and naive, she would be destroying that little girl. But if she didn’t take advantage of this opportunity, her teammates would be the ones to pay the price. It’s no use thinking about it tonight she relented. Lisa’d been through many nights like this before, nights where she couldn’t stand to be alone with her thoughts. If she tried to stay up and power through it she knew she’d only end up making a decision she regretted.
She found sleep to be an equally pointless endeavor however. Lisa knew this was her responsibility, she was only delaying the inevitable, trying to find an escape through sleep. Eventually she was going to have to make a decision between her morals and her own self interest. The least she could do was take the burden upon herself. It sounded cliche, but Vista deserved more than being used and manipulated after all she’d sacrificed to be a hero. Lisa got up and wrote a note to herself to call Coil tomorrow, then went to the fridge. If it was going to be a long and painful night, but at least it didn’t have to be a sober one.
Why couldn’t her powers be something fucking useful, what was the point of being a thinker seven if you couldn’t even figure out how to rob a damn bank. She couldn’t even make a fucking friend properly. Was it really so impossible to interact with someone without manipulating them with her power? She was fucking useless, Bug was someone the Undersiders desperately needed, someone she desperately needed, and she had dropped the ball. They had no chance now, no matter how she looked at it the Undersiders couldn’t win, Bug’s power was too strong. She’d seen how she picked her way around the abandoned building, Bug couldn’t just control bugs, she could see through them, and the Undersiders had no way to counter that.
Lisa collapsed onto the floor. She could refuse the job of course, but there was no chance that Coil would let it slide. It would mean letting everyone down. Brian would never be able to help his sister, and Rachel would be alone on the street with her dogs again, and Alec….well fuck Alec, he’d be fine. But it would suck for everyone else. Especially her, she highly doubted Coil would let her live after he disbanded the Undersiders.
She had to pull off this job, too much depended on it, and to do that they’d need help. She knew Vista’d be able to handle Bug, she could stretch space, keep her bugs away from them and disoriented; but to get Vista to betray her friends she’d need to use her power. She’d have to get inside the girl’s head, poke and twist at her deepest fears and anxieties. But if she did that she’d be no different than her parents, using an innocent child for her power, breaking her, using her up, and then throwing her away. She’d given up on the idea of using her power to help people long ago, but if she used her power to manipulate and betray an innocent person, she’d never be able to forgive herself. Why did Vista have to remind her so much of herself? It made things that much more difficult.
“Fuck!” Lisa shouted, slamming her fist into the concrete floor and finally managing to draw some blood as the skin of her knuckles scraped against the ground, leaving crimson streaks. It didn’t stop her though, she kept pounding the ground until her arm got tired, and the streaks were closer to puddles. Sighing she got up and headed for the kitchen to wash her knuckles under the sink. She hated this, hated the feeling of not being able to do anything, hated the creeping thoughts that she couldn’t fight back; thoughts that told her it would be easier if she didn’t worry about breaking people. She couldn’t stand sober nights, seeing into other people’s brains was one thing, but being alone with her own was torture.
Maybe I should just give up and take the fall. It was a hard idea to dissuade herself of. Lisa was tired, she’d spent too long struggling with herself. As impossible as it had been to try and help people, it was just as impossible for her to let them suffer. Hurting bad people was one thing, but Vista was innocent and naive, she would be destroying that little girl. But if she didn’t take advantage of this opportunity, her teammates would be the ones to pay the price. It’s no use thinking about it tonight she relented. Lisa’d been through many nights like this before, nights where she couldn’t stand to be alone with her thoughts. If she tried to stay up and power through it she knew she’d only end up making a decision she regretted.
She found sleep to be an equally pointless endeavor however. Lisa knew this was her responsibility, she was only delaying the inevitable, trying to find an escape through sleep. Eventually she was going to have to make a decision between her morals and her own self interest. The least she could do was take the burden upon herself. It sounded cliche, but Vista deserved more than being used and manipulated after all she’d sacrificed to be a hero. Lisa got up and wrote a note to herself to call Coil tomorrow, then went to the fridge. If it was going to be a long and painful night, but at least it didn’t have to be a sober one.
